Since spring semester of college, mentally I feel as though I have grown tremendously.
I have always identified myself as a hopeful pessimist but in actuality I have come to acknowledge that I am more so a realist.
The more time passes the more I better grasp things and further allow myself to understand my actions, thoughts, and observations of myself and all those around me.
Although I have been one to rebel against stereotypes and labels, I have become someone who accepts the titles that I for so long never considered myself.
I am a dreamer, I am an artist. I am a visionary, I am a writer.
Since very long ago, I chose to bask in the faults and weaknesses of myself. It carried on to the way I saw the world, the way I saw others. It is never healthy, but it was who I am.
Yet even though I always saw the light, granted far at the end of the tunnel, I looked behind me. I looked elsewhere but the light even with my arm outstretched towards it, grasping on to that thin ray of hope.
It is almost as if I am embracing the person I want to be yet I know I am far close to the ideal.
And even so, I am aware of the contradictions that have haunted me. At least, I acknowledge them.
Up till perhaps now, if any person did actually ask me how I would truly describe myself I would state a slew of adjectives such as melancholic, cynical, and the like.
But I have seen that those words, filled with sadness and dread they may be, are just one side of a coin. Just one side to a story. And just a glimpse of a whole.
I still hold fear. It is part of being human after all. I acknowledge that too. But now this fear is something I am combating with the truths that I have discovered within myself. The light at the end of the tunnel, I can feel some of the warmth of its rays this time, despite the distance.
People. A simple word to encompass too much of the human race. And yet, despite my cynicism and distaste, there has been a soft acceptance of, well, people.
I observe, I grow, I learn, I understand, and I accept because of people.
I am starting to enjoy the Fall season, it’s cold entirety and the ever changing leaves.
"She was at once so resolute and so dreamy, so sensual and so intelligent. She also was intensely private. What she knew best was how it felt to be alone, unique, isolated. She was lacking in the sense of a solid communal life; What bound people together escaped her. What separated them was an object of wonder, delight and despair. She seemed as detached from herself as from everyone else."
"I wish upon you truth when all you feel is doubt. I hope you know that an open mind still knows when to shut things out. I wish upon you a brave heart that will always rise above, but most of all I wish upon you love. As the sun sets the moon begins to rise, so even in the darkness you’ll find the light."